Words Like Flames
Sometimes I open my mouth
but before words can leak out
I find myself choking them down
Questioning
How will these be received?
Am I allowed to be
before I am perfect?
Am I allowed to speak
when maybe I don’t know it all?
When maybe I will say something that you don’t like
Something you don’t want to hear
Or maybe what I say is potentially harmful to others
Or it goes against your very beliefs
What happens when I trigger you
or activate something inside
When my words like flames, ignite something deeply rooted in you
Will you still accept me?
Will you still see me for me?
Will you see your reflection in my eyes?
Or will my words have blanketed over my very presence
deeming myself unworthy
Showing how ill-prepared I really am
how much of an imposter
Will you take my words and use them to cut away at what once unified us?
Will you turn my words into weapons?
First on you, then turned right back at me
Rather than gathering for warmth around the flickering flames
Will my words cause an explosion?
Will my words be taken personally
or will they illuminate the struggle internally you can’t see
Showing how I struggle
Where I struggle
Who will hold me
when I say something wrong
When the village turns against me
Raising their torches
Chanting destruction of me and my essence
How will I be received
if my words don’t match up
If they aren’t enough
And if my words aren’t enough
what does that say about me
Am I enough?
Sometimes I open my mouth
but all you hear is silence
For I am scared to say the wrong thing
so I say nothing at all
Now before you say that saying nothing is wrong
remember when you told me that what I said was wrong?
Which one is it?
I have been burnt for saying the wrong thing
Burnt for speaking out, when others didn’t want to hear it
Now I’m burnt for silence
Burnt for not knowing better
Burnt for processing how I process
Burnt for thinking how I think
Burnt for feeling how I feel
Burnt
Burnt for growing in this field
Burnt for being all the identities of me
My voice trembles
Shaking to break out
of the cage that I have stored it in
while I work to be some sort of perfection in your eyes
So that maybe, you can see my eyes
So that maybe, you can see our eyes
My voice is stifled
I work to somehow become worthy of words
But how will I ever learn to use my words
if when they finally get released
A fire is ignited in you, and instead of going to the source
You come to me
Screaming, crying, yelling, condemning
Angry at the flame that set your seeds on fire
unable to recognize that maybe your seeds are the kind that need to burn in order to grow
My words flicker
My words are flames
They set fire to the seeds that need to be ignited
and for that, I cannot apologize
I hope you can accept me
even if my words burn